Changing my life.

I suppose I have always wanted to have a life changing experience. Like the ones you hear about in "Take a Break" magazine. It always takes a catalyst to jump start someone’s life again and they can take it in a direction they never thought possible. I always thought that finding your hidden depths was something I needed.

But, you know what’s odd?

I have already had mine. I've already met her. I know it sounds strange but life changing experiences come to different people in a lot of different ways. I have been meaning to blog about this for a while but until now the words have escaped me.

Her name is Eleanor Macklin; she is the single most beautiful person I have ever met. No doubt her modesty will disagree with some of things I'm going to write here and mildly embarrass her knowing this is being broadcast to the world, or at least to the unlucky few who read this blog. Ellie is amazing, I met her just over a month ago and in that time I have had my entire world turned upside down and inside out. Who would have thought that one of my little brother’s friends would have challenged me so much to have to recalculate my entire world image?

One thing I haven't been brave enough to do in person is thank her, I mean properly. One thing she doesn't know is she alone handed me my faith back. After a day out we got back to her flat and we sat in her room, I was puzzled how a girl of such intellect and obvious logical background (being a chemical engineer and all) could put so much faith into something I had never seen or felt before, GOD. We sat and talked for hours about him, every time she said something that I disagreed with I jumped on it, trying desperately to punch holes in her faith. I wanted to know that I was right, I suppose I wanted to know that the last 22 years of my life hadn't been wasted and the loneliness that I had felt at times in my life couldn't have been made any better by filling my head with non sense. But time and time again I was knocked back, every question had an answer, not only that it had an explanation. It was as if I was setting a test she had been studying for her whole life. The worst part was every word made sense and unlike most Christians I have ever met the words were not hollow, they all had depth, every word had been lived and it hadn't been easy. I left her flat not feeling conquered but definitely confused.

I had arranged to draw Ellie's portrait for her 21st Birthday (which I am still working on honey, if you are reading this) so the night after our conversation I was thinking of how I was to approach it. Usually I take into consideration all of the things I know about a given person, hobbies, interests, study, friends, whatever. So I was lying in bed having an insomnia moment and considering Ellie and her life and how I was to draw her, I knew she liked horses, it was great to see her face light up with this amazing smile when she starts about horses, and she fostered cats, and she is a Christian. That last one echoed around in my head for ages, and something happened that night that I not ever going to try and explain. Turns out Ellie was praying for me. My faith was kind of guaranteed from that point on.

Ellie has come from a place that I can't even imagine her being in, she has been pretty far from god at times and in the knowledge that she has returned to him is pretty amazing, more than that, astonishing. I know that I would have given him up so easily if I were in her shoes. She is so strong and has so much love, for God and for everyone, yes she bitches a bit about this or that but deep down she doesn't mean it. She is so amazingly pure, I don't know if you understand what I am trying to say with that word but if you met her you would understand.

One day I intend to be just like her, she is my inspiration and my dearest friend.

I know GOD is so proud of her, she never ceases to amaze me, I love her loads.